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There’s a building in Brooklyn that looks like many of the others around it, but whenever I walk by, I always avert my eyes. This was my childhood home—and a place I returned to well past my college years, like many young adults.
My folks recently sold the building. Now, somebody else puts their key in the door and goes upstairs to enjoy the wide-open floor plan, the backyard deck with vines hugging the walls, the view of one of the city’s most sought-after neighborhoods beyond the window.
And while the sale brought a rush of memories (and yes, some sadness), it also raised a more practical, pressing question: What happens to the money?
For many adult children, proceeds from a family home sale might be their parents’ biggest source of liquidity. If you’re hoping to buy a home of your own one day, you might wonder whether—or how—to bring up the idea of getting help, especially when the financial and emotional stakes are so high.
It’s not a rare thing for a parent to help with a child’s homebuying journey, and it has become more common: While 11% of baby boomers received financial help from their parents to buy a home, that figure jumped to 27% for millennials and 49% for Gen Z, according to LendingTree.
But today’s housing market adds new complexity. Long-held properties have appreciated considerably, interest rates are high, and many young adults are unsure about jumping into an uncertain market. In this environment, every dollar counts, and understanding your parents’ financial intentions is more important than ever.
So how do you begin that conversation? How do you find out what might be coming your way—or what support is even possible? Can you and your parents team up, financially or emotionally, without it getting weird? Here’s what to know.
Getting insight into your parents’ financial picture
First things first: Just as on an airplane, where you’re advised to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others, your parents need to secure their financial future before assisting with yours.
“Your parents may not want to part with much or any of that money, and that’s OK,” says Andrew Latham, a Certified Financial Planner with Supermoney.com. “Protecting their financial security ultimately protects you, too, since you’re less likely to face future financial or caregiving pressure. And at the end of the day, it’s their money.”
In an ideal world, your parents have made the right financial decisions to provide for themselves and help you out as well. That said, the costs of living can add up, and a large cash gift to you could later leave your parents ineligible for government assistance if they become incapacitated. Your best course of action will be to rely on your own resources and consider anything your parents can provide a bonus.
Your parents might not have a plan for what to do with the proceeds of a home sale. Or they might have one they haven’t shared with you. That’s why having a conversation with them about this as early as possible—before the home sells, if possible—can only benefit both of you.
If they’re willing to help, what are the options?
“If your parents are open to sharing some of the proceeds, there are ways to do it efficiently without triggering tax issues,” says Latham.
The most straightforward option is a gift. In 2025, the IRS allows individuals to give up to $19,000 per recipient without filing any paperwork. Because this limit is per giver and per recipient, two parents could give a child and their spouse a total of $76,000 in a single year without needing to file a gift tax return.
“If you go over that amount, it’s not taxed right away,” says Latham. “But it does require filing IRS Form 709, and it counts against your lifetime gift and estate tax exemption. Some families prefer to avoid that kind of paperwork altogether.”
Another route is a loan. Parents can lend money as long as they charge at least the IRS minimum interest rate. Over time, they can choose to forgive the loan in increments, essentially turning it into a series of tax-free gifts.
Keep in mind: Money from your parents can change your financial outlook, but it might not change how mortgage lenders perceive you.
“Every lender has an eligibility and underwriting standard,” says Monique Hayes, an estate planning attorney and partner at DGIM Law. “A large one-time gift that does not change the overall assets or eligibility of an applicant may not be beneficial. But a gift that supports an otherwise eligible applicant can make a tremendous difference.”
In other words, get your own financial ducks in a row—income, credit, and debt levels—before relying on outside help. Otherwise, the gift might not move the needle with your lender.
Parents can also support in other ways, such as paying for tuition or covering medical expenses—both of which are generally excluded from gift tax rules and typically don’t factor into a lender’s mortgage assessment.
What if you want the home, but it hasn’t sold yet?
Maybe you’ll be luckier than I was and get to have honest conversations with your parents before they turn your old bedroom into an art studio and put the house on the market.
If the home hasn’t sold yet—and you’re hoping to keep it in the family—timing and tax planning can make a big difference. One major benefit of inheriting a home, rather than receiving the sale proceeds, is the step-up in basis. This means the home’s value resets to its market value at the time of your parents’ death, potentially eliminating capital gains taxes if you decide to sell later.
“If the home has already been sold, that tax benefit is gone,” says Latham. “Now it becomes a practical decision: Is the money more useful to you today, or better to wait for a potentially larger inheritance later?”
If you want to stay connected to the home but can’t afford to buy it outright, there are still options. Your parents could sell it to you at a discounted price, with the difference treated as a gift. Or you might arrange a long-term family loan, letting you pay for the property gradually while freeing up some cash for your parents. Renting the home temporarily with an agreement to buy later can also be a helpful bridge. For families interested in shared ownership, forming a family LLC might make sense—especially if rental income or co-owning with siblings is involved.
Of course, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution.
“Every situation is unique,” says Hayes. “The location and value of the property, as well as the family’s legal and financial dynamics, should all be taken into account.”
How to talk about it without it getting weird
Bringing up money, especially with your parents, can seem loaded. But if you’re eyeing their home as part of your future, it’s not about asking for a handout. It’s about honest planning, shared goals, and clear expectations.
“I’d love to talk about how we can plan together in a way that keeps you secure and helps me move forward” is one way to open the door, says Latham. Framing the conversation around long-term goals and mutual care, rather than entitlement, can go a long way toward keeping things constructive.
Still, it’s important to recognize that not all parents will be in a position to help—and that’s OK.
Hayes emphasizes that “the conversation should be led by the parents,” and that the most helpful thing an adult child can do is encourage thoughtful planning.
“The best thing you can do is connect them to a professional adviser,” she says.
At the end of the day, family homes hold more than just financial value—they’re filled with memories, meaning, and a deep sense of continuity. And if the time comes to move on, as it did for me, remember that the things that matter most—your memories, your family bonds, and your sense of home—will move with you and take root in the next place you make your own.